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Tuesday, April 23, 2024

HERCULES, SAMSON, AND ULYSSES -- DVD Review by Porfle



 

Originally posted on 8/10/12

 

It's been a long time since I was a kid and my local TV station used to show Italian sword-and-sandal flicks on a weekly show called "Saturday Spectacular."  So I'm no expert on the genre but I can tell if an example of it is entertaining or not, and in its own blissfully hokey and cheapjack-"spectacular" way, 1963's HERCULES, SAMSON, AND ULYSSES is just that. 

This briskly-paced Warner Archive Collection DVD release comes through with the action sequences we expect without too much lollygagging around in between.  It begins with Greek strongman Hercules (Kirk Morris) and his smaller but smarter pal Ulysses (Enzo Cerusico) setting sail from Ithica with their valiant crew to hunt down a sea monster (which, if I'm not mistaken, is actually a live sea cow) that's been killing local fishermen. 

A terrible storm sinks their ship, drowns most of their crew, and leaves them stranded in Judea.  There, Hercules is mistaken for Samson (Richard Lloyd), a fugitive who battles against the oppression of tyrannical Philestine king Seren (Aldo Giuffrè). Seren threatens to kill Hercules' crew unless he brings the real Samson in dead or alive, but after a massive clash the two titans join forces against Seren, leading to an epic battle against his attacking army.


Admirers of bronzed beefcake will enjoy gawking at the sculpted pecs of matinee-idol handsome Hercules and those of the darker Samson, who resembles a cross between Victor Mature and Frank Stallone by way of the Hulk.  When these guys go mano a mano, they make a ruin of the ruins they're fighting in as fake slabs of granite go flying all over the screen.  Between tossing each other through stone walls and wrapping iron pipes around their opponents' necks, they even manage to work in a little Greco-Roman wrestling along the way.  It's a fight the likes of which I haven't witnessed since the Six Million Dollar Man took on Bigfoot.

Watching Samson devastate Seren's army singlehanded is equally exciting, as he rains down spears upon them with both hands to the accompaniment of some extremely goofy sound effects (and several horse-tripping stunts that should have animal lovers squirming in their seats).  Not to be outdone, Hercules whacks both a lion and a bull (at least it looks like a bull to me, though Hercules seems to have no idea what it is) with his bare hands, the latter providing a tasty mystery-meat feast for him and his men. 

But this is nothing compared to the spectacular climax in which Hercules, Samson, and Ulysses literally bring the house down while fighting off an advancing horde of Philestine soldiers who, oddly enough, sport German helmets left over from some World War II movie. 

Since she's dressed in such a stimulating military-chic dominatrix outfit for this final battle, it may be a good time to mention the gorgeous Liana Orfei as Philestine queen Delilah.  Despite the scenic locations and sometimes breathtaking sets (which I assume were left over from a much more expensive film), I found Liana to be the most stunning visual aspect of HERCULES, SAMSON, AND ULYSSES, as Delilah--she of the prediliction for unsolicited haircuts--uses her seductive wiles against our stalwart heroes. 


Fortunately, Hercules has an equally hot babe (Diletta D'Andrea) waiting for him at home, and Samson's probably knee-deep in groupies when he isn't chucking spears through bad guys, so they manage to remain immune to the delectable Delilah's lacivious lure.  

Morris and Lloyd are adequately photogenic as the heroic hunks, with Enzo Cerusico a curious choice as Ulysses--he's more Bill Bixby than Lou Ferrigno--but this is no doubt meant to emphasize his superior intellect when it comes to figuring out smart stuff like "Push temple over on bad guys!" and "Dive off of burning ship!"  The one familiar face I recognized in the cast was that of Aldo Giuffrè ("Seren"), whom fans of THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY will fondly remember as the ill-fated Union officer who fantasized about blowing up that damn bridge.

The "manufactured on demand" DVD from the Warner Archive Collection is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound.  No subtitles.  A cool trailer is the sole extra.  I thought the print used looked very good, but be advised--I'm easily pleased. 

HERCULES, SAMSON, AND ULYSSES doesn't try to be anything more than a lively, colorful, and unabashedly hokey live-action comic book adventure, and in this it meets expectations quite well.  The down-and-dirty rumble between the two big guys alone is worth the price of admission--even Chuck Norris might be hesitant to get involved once those granite blocks start flying.




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Monday, April 22, 2024

WALKING TALL: LONE JUSTICE -- Movie Review by Porfle




(Note: this review originally appeared online in 2007.)


Back in the 70s, there was this no-nonsense Tennessee lawman named Buford Pusser who got fed up with the rampant crime and corruption in his home of McNairy County and vowed to take decisive action against it, despite the cost--which eventually included his wife being killed and his jaw being shot off. Hollywood made a hit movie out of the story called WALKING TALL, which starred Joe Don Baker as Sheriff Pusser. Bo Svenson took over the role in two follow-ups, PART 2: WALKING TALL and FINAL CHAPTER: WALKING TALL, and in '04 the original movie was remade starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Since MGM knows a good property when they own it, they've decided to keep making WALKING TALL sequels regardless of the fact that they're no longer about a guy named Buford Pusser. Pusser's daughter Dwana isn't too happy about this, but Kevin Sorbo has to be thrilled since it's giving him something to do now that he isn't "Hercules" anymore. 2007 has already seen WALKING TALL:THE PAYBACK, and now we get the further adventures of Sorbo as some guy named "Nick Prescott" in WALKING TALL: LONE JUSTICE (2007).

To me, Sorbo is miscast as a hard-ass lone justice type of action hero--he's just too loose and easygoing, not exactly cut from the same material as Joe Don Baker, Bo Svenson, or The Rock. Most of the time he seems as though he'd rather be in something lighter, with more chances to toss off mildly witty lines and look bemused, and when he has to be really serious he's not all that convincing.

But the story has to give his character something to become really righteously vengeful about, of course, so it turns out his girlfriend Katie (Yvette Nipar) is a federal agent whose testimony is about to put a really bad drug kingpin named Perez (Rodrigo De La Rosa) behind bars. As you might guess, she and the other witnesses are brutally gunned down by Perez' goons, so Nick turns into a one-man killing machine and goes out looking for some "lone justice", WALKING TALL-style.

Or not. Actually, he rescues the surviving witness from another attempted hit and takes her to his mom's house in his tiny hometown in Texas to hole up and wait for the bad guy's trial to resume. So instead of going out looking for the bad guys, the bad guys come to him. And he isn't quite "lone"--there's two local lawmen and a few feds helping him out. It's not exactly the brand of heroic exploits that made Buford Pusser famous. So how does this even qualify as a "Walking Tall" movie as opposed to your usual grade-B action flick? I don't know.

Most of the cast are pretty good. Yvette Nipar is likable as Kate, and 15-year-old Haley Ramm (young Jean Grey in X-MEN: THE LAST STAND) gives possibly the best performance of the movie as Kate's daughter, Samantha, who naturally ends up in the clutches of a bad guy with a gun to her head as he growls at Nick to "drop the gun!" (In an early scene, Sam's mother tells her that Nick will be walking her to school in the morning, and she quips, "Great...I'll be on a milk carton by noon.") One of the other feds looks sorta like a grown-up "Beaver" Cleaver, which is always fun. And this movie has some pretty good bad guys in it, especially De La Rosa as "Perez." He plays the part with an understated menace that lends realism to the character except for the times when the script forces him to act like the standard bugged-out villain.

The action starts early with one of the oldest cliches in the book--our hero strolls into a convenience store and finds himself in the middle of a hold-up, in which the spittle-sputtering robbers little realize that they've just stumbled into a "Walking Tall" movie and are about to confront the star of it. It's the sort of thing that happened to Dirty Harry a lot, but instead of pulling out a hand cannon and blasting away, Nick Prescott pops up from behind some shelves, throws a can of whole-kernel corn, and knocks out the clerk. Then he takes out the totally ineffective gunmen with some clumsy moves that would have Chuck Norris either laughing his ass off or setting his TV on fire just by looking at it.

Some of the scenes here and there manage to get pretty good, especially the one in which Nick is trying to hide the gravely-wounded witness as a hit squad stalks the hospital looking for her. There's a thumb-snipping bloody torture sequence later on that should set your nerves on edge. And a confrontation between the good guys and the bad guys in a remote cornfield starts out well, but soon falls victim to what proves to be this movie's ultimate downfall as a whole--the outta control non-stop stylistic freakout of its aptly-named director, Tripp Reed.

The camerawork and editing here are an ADD nightmare--Twitchy-Zoom, Shaky-Cam, speed-up/slow-down and double-image effects, focus fiddling, sequences that appear as though the film were simply chopped up and stuck back together at random and then sprayed with Cheez-Whiz, and every other pointlessly distracting effect you can think of.  If that kind of stuff doesn't really irritate you, great, but if it does, prepare to be really irritated.

The unfortunate thing about WALKING TALL: LONE JUSTICE is that there might actually be a fairly entertaining low-grade shoot-em-up here if you didn't have all that visual confetti flying at you from beginning to end. In the future, director Tripp Reed needs to stop trippin', settle down, and use what talent he seems to have trying to shoot a movie that doesn't fidget all over the place like a speed freak in Sunday School.



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Sunday, April 21, 2024

GAME CHANGERS -- DVD Review by Porfle



Originally posted on 7/5/17

 

GAME CHANGERS (Candy Factory Films, 2016) is the story of two childhood friends, extrovert Bryan (Brian Bernys in a riveting performance) and introvert Scott (Jake Albarella), once world-famous gaming superstars in their youth but now settling into a relatively uneventful adulthood doing computer stuff in Bryan's family IT company.

But after sort of a mid-youth crisis, Bryan decides to go all-out in an effort to get that old magic back, build up a young crew of hardcore gamers led by himself and Scott, and take on the gaming world again. 

Can he succeed, or is it too late?  And can Scott give up his own dreams of making it in a world of adult responsibility?


Bryan is one of those love-him AND hate-him characters whose obsessive behavior is both maddening and, in a way, understandable.  Anyway, he behaves just the way we expect him to--in short, he can be a real dick. And yet, we can't help rooting for him on some level.

Scotty, on the other hand, is a loyal friend who allows himself to be used by Bryan until, finally, his loyalty is pushed too far.  This is especially true when Bryan unforgivably sabotages shy Scott's budding romance with a cute co-worker, Katt, who shares many of his nerdish interests. 

Scintillating conflicts abound between Bryan and Scott, Bryan and his dad, Bryan and girlfriend/co-worker Natalie, Bryan and Jake (who has been hired to evaluate efficiency within the company and who also becomes Bryan's rival for Natalie)--basically, Bryan and the rest of the world.  Only when Bryan faces the prospect of losing Scott's friendship does he come close to reining himself in.


Writer/director Rob Imbs (COUCH, "Fart Force") handles it all with a deft, confident touch, hitting just the right tone in every scene and never going for  a cheap laugh or succumbing to maudlin sentiment.

Dialogue is sharp but natural, even when the guys are deep into their most intense gaming sessions or when fervent comic fans discuss their favorite graphic novels.  But you don't have to know a single thing about gaming, or nerd culture in general, to find the dramatic tension in these scenes deeply involving.

GAME CHANGERS is a terrific blend of nerd fantasy and serious interpersonal drama that goes for the unexpected just when you think it's just about to hit all the old buttons.  For a film that could have easily been the BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO of gaming flicks, this is refreshingly close to being the genre's CINCINNATI KID.


Type: DVD/Digital HD (iTunes, Amazon, Google Play)
Running Time: 91 minutes
Rating: N/A
Genre: Dramedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Audio: Stereo
Street Date: July 11, 2017




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Saturday, April 20, 2024

"STAR WARS" Death Star Finale With Countdown Music From "ALIENS" (video)


 What if the Death Star attack finale in "Star Wars"...


...had the classic James Horner countdown music from "Aliens"?

This is what it might sound like.

The Star Wars no-music segment used in this video was created as a sound editing experiment by YouTube user If Blank Directed Blank.

 

Originally posted on 4/29/21
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.
Thanks for watching!

 


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Friday, April 19, 2024

Worst-Ever Closeup Of Sigourney Weaver In Any Alien Movie ("Aliens", 1986) (video)

 


Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it.

Thanks for watching!


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